February 11, 2005 + stop, I wanna get off

I made the Teacups operator stop the whole ride one time so I could get off. Too fast, too spinney = out of control sensation (nausea in the case of the Teacups). But lately I've been having that out of control sensation, and the only ride I'm on is life. I've been calling it Agitation, like I'm a can of pop that's been shaken. I've started to purposely argue with people, even strangers. But Casey, you don't ever talk to strangers, ever. I know! I was on an elevator today, going to the top floor, 26, and it stopped at 25. This guy got on, he wasn't going to 26, he just hit the button to make the elevator come faster (don't even get me started on the absolute ridiculousness of his act). I really, really, really wanted to exchange words about proper elevator etiquette, but I realized I just wanted to argue with that bastard. I did give him an eye roll, a heavy sigh, and I hit the "door close" button really hard. Take that! So nothing I just wrote is News, but I don't give a flying fuck, wanna argue about it?


In the last update I forgot to mention a new photo gallery I've posted. For those of you in Michigan you'll remember the massive weekend snowstorm we had a few weeks ago. These pictures are of the snowdrifts created in my front yard.

> Snowdrift Gallery

On a photography related note, I entered the 25th Annual College Photography Contest put on by Photographer's Forum magazine, and I found out a few weeks ago that one of my photos is in the finalist selection group. There were 30,000 entries and the top 5% made the final group (that's 1500 entries for all you failed math majors). As part of the final group my photo will be printed in the Best of College Photography Annual 2005. I'm not sure which photo made the cut; I entered three, but I'll repost it when I find out which one.


Things are finally grooving after my near sabotage of this final semester of my undergraduate career. I've made it no secret that graduating from college is not something that excites me. I, in fact, fear it - the implications, symbolism, etc. I had a conversation with someone this past weekend about my plans after graduating. This person was insistent that I "have to decide, have to choose." My response was an emphatic, "No. I don't." And I don't, and I'm not.

Back to my saboteur ways...the class I thought was going to give me the most trouble/work, Early American Lit., turned out to not be the problem, it was the Women Writing Autobiography class in which I chose to have my freak out. The reading, at the beginning, was ALL academic, theory-based, rhetoric and I was understanding about a quarter of what I was reading. So that difficulty became the reason I was going to drop the class, causing waves of anxiety to ripple forth into the certainty of graduation, meaning I was looking for a way to not graduate, to disrupt the process. AND the first writing assignment for the class was to answer the question "Who Do You Think You Are?" (I will not delve into why that question haunted me).

After the waves of panic calmed down I realized what I was doing - psychological sabotage - and went back to class. And it's turning out to be a rewarding experience. We just read A Room of One's Own by Virginia Wolfe and I was floored by this woman's intellect. And I like the other students in the class, and for me, that's pretty good seeing as how I'm annoyed by most people in the universe.


On Sunday, January 30, 2005, Iraq held elections for the first time in 30 years. They voted for the 275 available seats of the Transitional National Assembly, who will then decide who becomes prime minister and president (two separate people). There were stories of whole families risking their lives to make it to their local polling place amid violence just to cast a vote, to have a voice. I just kept thinking what an act of freedom these people are making. But as my mind started turning I began thinking deeper about these elections. The cynic in me was awakened, apparently from a rare nap, and I saw these elections as transparent; as our governments attempt to set up a Little USA in the middle east.

By having an American presence in the middle east we essentially exert our control and superiority over that entire region. It sickens me to think about the false pretenses for which we invaded Iraq in the first place. And now the future of the US is heavily invested on the success of Iraq and its new Democratic government. George W. Bush has just expanded his Empire with your money.


My mind has also been reflecting on the recent death sentence of Scott Peterson. I was tuned in live when the guilty verdict was read, as well as when the sentences were handed down (interesting use of "down" here, how symbolic). Yeah, I think he killed his wife, of course I only know what the media has vomited for human interpretation, but the penalty phase really had my mind conflicted.

When the sentence was read, and he was sentenced to die, a chill went through my body. I felt as if I had just witnessed his execution. People had just sat in judgment of him and decided, DECIDED, he should die. I've always been undecided/indifferent to capital punishment. But this experience got me thinking. I can't say I'm going to decide one way or the other, yay or nay, on one verdict, but it's enough to say that my mind is asking moral and ethical questions. I suppose from the icon of this section one could see where my mind is at this point in my pontification.