November 28, 2004 + jaded and thankful

The snow has melted, my belly has been stuffed, toasts were given ("breaking bread, breaking bread"), and leftovers were splattered on shoes, pants, and cement (sorry mama).

Tis' a wonderful holiday in which two days of cooking comes down to twenty minutes of eating. But ah, the real joy lies in the company: the new acquaintances, time with friends and family, the story of "breaking bread," and of course muffled snickers between sisters (not the candy bar fatass).

My Thanksgiving was spent at the house of the "queens" of all things entertainment. Twas' a wonderful meal with wonderful company and wonderful hosts; and for that I am quite thankful.

P.S. There's a nine foot Christmas tree in my living room. We decorated OUR tree on Sunday and I filmed a bit of the experience, so look for a tree decorating video in the next update (hopefully before christmas).


The third paper for my writing class is posted below. It's written in the child's voice about a childhood experience that has stuck with me into adulthood, if one can call this adulthood.

Essay > Legos and Dolls


The coming week is my last of the semester and I couldn't be more relieved. Also looks like I might be graduating in May. GRADUATING...yeah, I'm freaking out. Not in the good way like way excited, but in the oh fucking shit what the hell do I do next way.



For the voyeur in us all I've posted a gallery of the new room layout I've created. A few weeks ago I moved my bedroom into the guest room due to lack of natural light, and well, it's depressing down in the basement. Too bad that move didn't help to stabilize my mood.

Gallery > New Room Layout

My sister likes to see her name on the internet. Hi Grayson Brooke Miles. Let me tell you a little about this lady. She has recently taken up bowling - complete with glittery bowling ball and ever so stylish bowling shoes. She enjoys the bowling atmosphere; the musty smell of smoke and body odor, the sound of pins crashing beneath the velocity of aforementioned glittery bowling ball, the readiness of ashtrays at tables behind the bowling lanes in which she can casually ash her burning cigarette. She sometimes makes me bowl with her on Sundays. I always win.

Mozilla recently released their answer to Microsoft's Internet Explorer. It's a new open-source browser called Firefox. Open-source means the code is available to the public for free, thereby making the browser fully adaptable to add-ins and extensions. Example: My Firefox homepage is a combination of 5 websites that open in tabs. I have four news sources available with one click, and a blank page open for me to do what I wish with. I have the current weather forecast on my browser taskbar (an extension), and I have another extension that reloads my pages automatically. I highly recommend checking out Firefox, and using it instead of Internet Explorer. It's a FREE download at www.mozilla.org.


I've been hit with a little holiday depression. Actually, it isn't little, it's quite massively overwhelming. I debated writing anything about it at all on here, and some of you may ask why I do. I don't know exactly. It's a very large part of my life - my therapy, my psyche, my mind. And the whole point of this website is to share; whether it's music, or art, or my thoughts.

This current depression is really throwing me. It hasn't been this bad in years. I've had to force myself out of bed, force myself into the shower, force myself out into the world. This is the ugly face of depression, not that there's a pretty face, but this is what it is. It is intense anger. It is heart wrenching pain. It is hatred. It is spinning confusion. It is enormous disappointment. It is body shaking weeping.

But I endure. I want to be better. I HAVE to go through this to get there, HAVE to. Whether one chooses to see it or not, this is actually progress. I've always believed that one has to be torn down to be built back up, and I'm still tearing myself down.

As of Monday morning, the depression seems to have lifted. Could be because I had therapy this morning, and had to miss two last week for the holiday, which sent me spiraling it seems. Bring on Christmas!