October 25, 2004 + tears of a clown

This update is comin' at ya loud and caffeinated from my friendly neighborhood Starbucks. I'm sipping my steamy grande nonfat latte (translation: medium skim espresso mixed with steamed milk), listening to my MP3 player with my audiophile mega headphones. My cellphone is resting beside my laptop, on vibrate of course because I mind proper coffeehouse etiquette. I spend a fair amount of hours during the week here; usually five days a week for at least two hours. Why? The atmosphere, the coffee, the fact that this isn't my house and I don't have to clean anything, and it's less than a quarter mile from aforementioned abode. And of course so I can fill the urban hipster cliche I've stumbled into at this juncture in my life.

I noticed the Gallery section has been lacking in substance, meaning there's been nothing even slightly artistic posted there since the new layout. So I took a walk around a local park and just snapped away. I was in a mood that day too, which is reflected in the titles of the photos. That's the first gallery, what there's more than one? Yes! The second gallery is what happens when boredom and a camera phone try to make babies (know what I mean?). This one might scare some people.

> Berry Lake Gallery

> Phone Fun Gallery

ONE WEEK until the election, ONE WEEK friends! It's time to make up your mind and LISTEN TO ME. In my mind, it's an easy decision, KERRY FOR PRESIDENT, Bush for exile on a remote island with carnivorous creatures. If you can't decide, or if you don't feel like deciding, vote for me, vote for my future, the future of my family, my kids. This isn't about tolerance; I don't want to be "tolerated." I want to be accepted and equal, because that is what the Constitution afforded me on the moment of my birth. Consider this my last desperate attempt to change an undecided mind. Vote Kerry on Nov. 2nd, your future thanks you.


In another life I was a soul singer, I'm confident of this. It is impossible for me to sit still listening to Marvin Gaye, impossible! And if I am in the privacy of my room any open floor space transforms into my stage. The last 24 hours have been spent downloading soul classics (playlist below). I haven't figured out where the love is coming from. There's such a simplicity to the songs; simple lyrics, simple beats, but unbelievably crisp and graceful voices. This music was made to inspire love and happiness, and if I can't get it in my life I WILL get it in my music.

Playlist (just a few):
- Al Green "Let's Stay Together"
- Aretha Franklin "Respect"
- The Four Tops "Reach Out"
- Jackie Wilson "Lonely Teardrops"
- Marvin Gaye - "Let's Get It On"
- Otis Redding "Chain Gang" & "Sitting on The Dock of the Bay"
- Sam Cooke "A Change is Gonna Come Round"
- Smokey Robinson - "Tears of a Clown" & "I Second That Emotion"
- Temptations - "I've Got Sunshine," "Lean on Me," & "Stand By Me"


My precious Alias has been held over for a midseason debut. I was pissed at first, but then I watched Desperate Housewives, which has taken the 9pm Sunday night slot. And it's really really good. It has this dark humor that reminds me of something HBO would show. And, well, there are five beautiful women as the leading actresses, a lesbians suburban fantasy. Jump on the bandwagon now, before you don't know what people are talking about at work.

The other show I have to mention is Lost. It's from the creator, writer, director of Alias, J.J. Abrams. It's about a group of plane crash survivors who've crashed on a mysterious deserted island. It's so different than everything else on tv. It's not a cop or lawyer show. The lead actress is Evangeline Lilly, an unknown Canadian actress who's never had a speaking role before. She has the same inner grace and vulnerability Jennifer Garner has. J.J. sure knows how to pick 'em. Check Lost out Wednesdays at 8.


Is there such thing as perpetual confusion? It's a wonder I can put this update together in a cohesive manner. Shit, maybe it isn't cohesive at all and you're reading this questioning my sanity! Allow me to let you in on my current state of mind. Last week I added a fourth therapy session to my week, which basically means I'm progressing (getting better). Please, put your assumptions to the side. More therapy does not mean I'm more crazy, it means I'm making progress. Why am I telling you people this? Well, cause it's my life. And to know me is to know this aspect of my life. I don't want to hide it, or not talk about it. I mean, it's what I do four days a week, not an insignificant amount of time. So I have to mention it here because of the enormity of therapy in my life.

I've recently been thinking about some powerful forces of life...love, trust, betrayal, to name a few. What does it mean to love? My mind panics and words fail to materialize. Thus confusion. I'm aware that most of what you just read probably made no damn sense. And I'm ok with that. My mind is confused right now, thinking unclearly leads to writing unclearly. Damn, what a way to end an update.