March 7, 2005 + changes around the corner
Dear Readers,
My experience with Soulsmiles has reached a point of jaded stagnation. It has
become something very rigid and structured, and frankly, something I don't enjoy
anymore. It's also become this sort of abstract way of saying certain things
that I otherwise wouldn't have the courage or wherewithal to say elsewhere.
But before I go any further allow me to say that I am NOT shutting the site
down, just going on a bit of a hiatus in an effort to re-energize my desire
for this site, to allow it to catch up to where I am now.
As most of you know, I am intensely involved in psychoanalysis, so I realize
that my decision to stop updating for awhile is probably not really about the
website at all. This site is one of the few links I have to people, albeit a
one-sided link, so perhaps I'm trying to cut that off. People are dangerous,
very very dangerous to me. It is difficult for me to cultivate and maintain
friendships, and for the first time - ever - I am seeing this as entirely MY
problem, instead of thinking that people just don't like me.
(abrupt change of subject)
My current vision for the future of the site is something more focused on writing,
and even reading. I am finally starting to see the connection between reading
and writing, and I can feel my writing growing. I want to use Soulsmiles to
further my practice of writing, to give the writing a public outlet, however
small. I don't know what the structure will be, something more free and whimsical.
That sounds really fucking cheesy, but that's the word that came to mind.
I am actually feeling very excited about the shake up, almost like I can't wait
to get started, but I need to let the thought bounce around the dark caverns
of my mind first. When I go around changing shit it's usually a reaction to
discomfort of some sort. For example: my doctor is on vacation this week, and
I am writing this hiatus letter...not a coincidence. The last time my doctor
was on vacation I rearranged furniture.
If you're reading this then you've wandered onto the site with no provocation.
I didn't send out an update email. I think those annoy people for the most part.
I will, however, send out an email when the site is active again.
So long for now...
Casey
casey@soulsmiles.com