101 Semi-trucks
it's 7:44 on the clock in my sister’s car
that is always set five minutes fast
when I start counting semi's
to distract my mind from you
but even this is just a reminder.
3
I bought a bag of those
little chocolate chip cookies
that you like
at the first gas station we stopped at.
14
this is your pillow from our bed
that I've been wiping my snotty
crying nose on.
21
27
I called you knowing
I'd start crying at the word
"goodbye"
and it's not that you're out to dinner
it's that I'm driving further
away from you as time
and trucks pass me by.
50
I've touched the cold window
to bring me back to reality
like I did when I was a kid.
we left five and a half hours ago
and I wrote your name on my window
that has fogged over now
62
and we're stopping for gas again
73
we just passed a sign for the Budget Host Inn
in my mind there is only
one of those in the world
and that sign is ours
and I feel closer to you in the memory
88
looking out the window
I miss the snow of home
of where you are
that gray Michigan sky is a comfort
in thought right now
cause wherever you are has to be fucking beautiful
94
I don't believe you are
sitting at home counting cars
outside your apartment window
I see you laughing
and having a good time
and while I want that for you
I also want that for me
101
my sister has christmas music playing
you hate christmas music
I've been growing my own disdain
for its oversimplicity
but I keep liking it cause
I know you think it's endearing
and it becomes a thing that we do
101 semi-trucks have passed me by
going the direction I wish I was going
the way back to you.
this counting was supposed to distract my mind
but here I am intertwining
the counting
into this writing to you.
December 21, 2005