Apartment Hunting
stepping outside myself
making phone calls
inquiring about apartments
asking questions
putting myself
out
there
why is this so difficult?
why am I on the verge of tears?
why does my stomach hurt?
why
is this
so
difficult?
how do people do this?
six more emails sent today
the runaround
research
disappointment
I've had this done for me before
(I just privileged all over myself)
Hi. I was calling about your apartments on This St.
We don't have any available right now.
But I saw a sign hanging up.
That sign is always up.
Are you going to have any soon?
Maybe at the end of March.
Can I take a look at it?
It's not available yet.
What's the rent?
It's not available yet.
FUCK YOU.
waiting for return emails
afraid of an empty bed
tired of forced suburban life
feel like an impostor here
all these people go home
when they leave here
I go to work across the street
then home 33 miles away
what is this really about?
dependency and
independency
forward movement and
standing on my own feet
can and
cannot
wanting my own space
to be stoned
to be crazy
to be naked
to just fucking be
to break down that first night
like I always do
I want that realization of solitude
and the slow stretch into its walls
to be deliciously comforted
by a place that is mine
where the walk from bed to fridge
isn't down the stairs
past the piano
through the common living room
down the shared hallway
to everyone's kitchen
March 3, 2006