Part 2 - Adding to the Adjectives (I Went Here Second)
I have no heritage to respect
no ancestry to speak of
to boisterously boast 'bout;
irish
scottish
english
polish
american indian
mean nothing to me.
These are words I've been told
like promises made?
Empty
I exist in the space between the letters
blank.
Europeans pillaging native land
calling me offspring
descendant
and these are just assumptions.
My history
my memory
is Southern.
My pappaw is a real live hillbilly
who found himself a townie girl
who found herself a soldier
who found himself a mother replacement
who found herself a caretaker
who found himself a wife
who found herself a provider
who found himself a homemaker
who found herself a preacher
who found himself a preacher's wife.
Kids, proprietorship, and the Lord;
my mama was one of the kids
me, a grandkid.
History founded on the good book
like America.
Words twisted into stories
bound and well-traveled
interpreted through genealogy's filter
trickling
down
through
generations
gathering and shedding adjectives
if not entire civilizations.
But it has stopped.
I'm left with imaginations
with adding more adjectives
to fill out what's missing.
This is a family of secrets
suspicions circling unspoken truths
un-acknowledgements
My story is immediate.
My story is
born in the South
two innocent parents.
My story is
childhood introversion
second grade shaved head by choice
of first gay identity.
My story is
girl or boy?
My story is
unsuspecting fat kid
third grade dieter
fifth grade child of divorcee's.
My story is
uprooted to the North
seventh grade shaved legs
short boy hair to long girl hair.
My story is
anger
aggression expressed through sports.
My story is
high school insomnia
is
bully or softy?
My story is
locker room shyness
in front of naked girls.
My story is
local college
big city college
local college
music store employee college drop out
small private college
year doing nothing - stillness
local college
local college
local college.
My story is
bachelor's degree in
general
studies.
Every local retreat was
called "depression"
until stillness
until truth
'till the only sound was thought.
February 22, 2006