“pieces of peace
that’s all I get”
written on a wall of recent history

a butterfly lost with me
violent fluttering
this creature’s normal flight

these carpet stains a sign of neglect
absence from true innocence
true dependency

tampons
carpet cleaner
peppermints
cigarettes
chocolate

an old woman in a buick
tapping brake lights
teasing rage

standing in the hallway
deciding
tv or write - avoid or confront

dear god,
I know you don’t exist
but I pray to you anyway

these clothes are too big
but I fit in them today
and may not tomorrow

I sent them denodrobium orchids
for this night of their shared joy
a failed delivery, of course

this mood is crashing
not from lack of sleep
but lack of self

tonight is my punishment
selfish choice
paying the price I tagged it with

computer screen square
superimposed over the tv screen square
eyes traveling the short distance

job applications in his pile
questions every couple of minutes
brief quippy answers given

watch tv
sleep
eat cold pizza
write
watch tv
*insert self-pity between each line

burning scented candles
reality tv flashes
life then back to life now 

her phonecall interrupts my slip
happy she says happy
a smile for her tonight - reminder of the new

family cigarette time
unsatisfactory
extinguished as quick as it's lit

here comes the rain
with its cool air
tamping the heat of this day

July 20, 2005

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