Right Now
crashing
been walking too tall
and breathing too deep
crisis
calm panic
pushing pushing pushing
everything back
to be dealt
felt
later
get 'em through daylight
moonlight
no light
no time for optimism or pessimism
that debate requires a future
and existence right now
is
Right Now
waiting for a phone call
a breakdown
a smile
a freak out
a pizza
a heartbeat
a breath
a tear-filled eye to blink
and release a flood of sorrow
sometimes I see gold
staring at the space behind my head
and sometimes
my own stare doesn't make it past my cornea
and anger makes it too far
out of my hands
numb
shelving emotions
dangerous for an implosive personality
this isn't about sacrifice
but staying aware of my own breaking point
so that she can push past hers
and I am
watching from across the room
from right beside her
watching my arms quake
absorbing her wailing tremors
watching her eyes fade in
fade out
fade in
fade out
listening to her break
behind that
once always
closed door
that's been left open more
how do I not break too?
cause I want to be here
when gold finds thunderstorm
we never promised each other salvation
just forever
those pieces she's been breaking into
well, I've been picking them up
and saving
for her to do what she wants with
I'm following closely
but
she casts her own shadow
and I refuse
to question its shape
January 18, 2006